How the Internet Got Started
In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dorothy (formerly the wife of the late Ar Pa Net). And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com by her friends.
One day she said unto Abraham, her beloved, "Why must thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods on thy donkey and camels when thou can but trade without ever leaving thy tent? And Abraham did look at her as though she were several satchels short of a full camel load; but, he did simply say but this, "How can this possibly be, my truest love ?"
And Dot did rejoin to her beloved, "Thou shall place drums in all the land, in the villages and between them."
"I still do not see h…" interrupted the venerable Abraham, who in haste did speak but upon further consideration did cease all further words.
Continuing further she did say, "I will send messages by these drums throughout the land revealing what thou hast to convey. And they shall announce to thee their price. Thus, thou shall knowest the best and the worst. And it shall come to pass in due time that the conveyance may be confirmed on the drums, whilst delivery shall be made by Uriah's Pony Stable -- UPS."
Abraham pondered long and determined that he should let Dot have her way with the drums. And it came to pass in the latter days that the drums rang out and were a good, proper and straightaway success. Abraham did so prosper that all the goods he had to convey were transferred always at top shekel, without ever having to get off of his donkey or needing to caravan his camels.
In order to maintain the confidence of the offers and acceptance from her neighbor discerning what was the message of the drums, Dot deviseth a secret system that only she and the drummers wouldst know. And her husband knew it not. She did call it Must Send Drum Over Sound -- MSDOS, and she did also developed a protocol to transfer ideas and pictures to accompany the offers and acceptance. And so she called it -- Hebrew To The People -- HTTP. And Abraham saw that HTTP was good and efficient.
And so it came to pass in the latter days that the young men throughout the land did take up Dot Com's trading protocols as doth the green and greedy horsefly consumeth the donkey and camel's dung. In due time they became called Nomadic Ecclesia-conventual Rich Domain Sybarites -- NERDS.
But all was not well, though lo, the land was feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums. For it was that none noticed that most of the the shekels ended up in the strong hands of just one adroit and resourceful drum dealer, Brother NERD William of Gates, who had bought off every drum maker in the land. And Brother William indeed did insist and did order all drums to be crafted so as to to work only with Brother William's drumheads and drumsticks.
And Dot being a bright star in a darkened land did discern the evil one and in dismay decried the turn of events to her beloved, "Oh, Abraham, what we have begun so well has been turned over to others who had no portion with our protocols." And Abraham looked out in profound silence over the Bay that Ezekiel did discover, or eBay as it had come to be known. And in thoughtful words he did disclaim, "Verily, we need a new name that reflects what we have become as the sun shines off the surface of these waters. And we must so craft a drum so powerful that the usurper shall rightfully fear for his shekels." And so in the end Dot did cry out for all the land to hear, Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner-Operators !!!
"YAHOO," exclaimed her beloved Abraham. And it appeared proper and efficient, because it was Dot's idea, that they did name themselves YAHOO Dot Com. Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid -- GEEK that he was, soon started using YAHOO Dot Com's drums exclusively. And because he could locate all things good and proper throughout the land with these the most powerful of instruments, everyone named his establishment -- God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything -- GOOGLE.
That is how it all began. And that is a truth, or so we believe.